Sunday, March 14, 2010

Social Contract

When new legislation is passed or precedence is set in the courts, laws are made and new activities are prohibited. but i dont care about any of that. i dont care about the LEGAL aspects of new laws, i only care about the effects they have on what is called "social contract".

The social contract is the set of rules we all follow, and failure to do so doesnt necessarily make you a criminal, it makes you "rude", or "gross", or "dicknose". one example to help drive home the point of social contract is the part about picking your nose. We all do it. its natural, u have something impeding your ability you move it or you die. but there is a set code that dictates acceptable nose-picking protocol:
1. you dont do it in public (yes, people can see you driving your car my friends)
2. you dont eat it. EVER. its coming out for a reason. your nose hairs developed through millions of years of evolution to keep this shit out! so dont eat it.. please!
3. you dont rub it on your friends. siblings are okay, and depending on your age, sometimes encouraged.
4. dont EVER do it on a date or around someone you are in any way attracted to. unless you have some sort of hybrid allergy to sexual activity, in which case DO pick your nose as this will definately help with the allergy.

There are many more rules and subrules for sneezing, and further subrules for if boogers come out on your hand when covering a sneeze, and so on and so forth. But you get the idea. break THESE rules and your labelled as "gross" or "disgusting", or "probably from Manitoba"...

So when new legislation is passed prohibiting a new behavior, there are 3 groups of people. The first group doesnt really care. The second group is like "shucks, now i cant (insert prohibited activity of your choice, EX: punch small children in the face area)". And the third group, well maybe its not technically a group if its just me but we react differently. We dont say "crap now i cant this". instead we look at how this new law affects the Social Contract. you see the two are very closely related, but very different.

The first example of this has been the laws that say people cant txt and drive anymore. Legally, this means you will get a ticket. Contractually, this means i have a new justifation for screaming at other drivers. In the past, if someone cuts me off i would pull up beside em and just start SCREAMin' through the window (not that they could hear me). but then I would be the asshole. But NOW, since people can't txt and drive, if someone cuts me off i just pray to god their on their cellphone. then i have full complete reign to just bring the sky crashing down on them without being a dick. I'm no longer a road-raging racist, now im just a concerned citizen. oh ho ho how i take advantage of this.

Another law that has expanded my territory of rage is the "cant smoke within X meters of public entrances". Group 1 is like "oh yea, fair enough". Group two is like "but it soo cold out" or "but its rainy". and then my group is like "YES! now we get to scream at 22 year old hot shit girls stepping out for a quick smoke!" BAM! our jurisdiction for socially acceptable spurts of rage just increased X meters in ALL directions, from EVERY public entrance. Beauty!

Now we just need the politicians to ban blue tooth headsets while shopping. I'm sorry, but no, you're not hot shit. You're 47 years old, in a liquor store on a tuesday wearing pajama pants. Now take the headset out and tell your sister you'll talk to her when you get home. we've banned the fanny pack, lookout bluetooth headsets. You're next.

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