Sunday, March 14, 2010

Social Contract

When new legislation is passed or precedence is set in the courts, laws are made and new activities are prohibited. but i dont care about any of that. i dont care about the LEGAL aspects of new laws, i only care about the effects they have on what is called "social contract".

The social contract is the set of rules we all follow, and failure to do so doesnt necessarily make you a criminal, it makes you "rude", or "gross", or "dicknose". one example to help drive home the point of social contract is the part about picking your nose. We all do it. its natural, u have something impeding your ability you move it or you die. but there is a set code that dictates acceptable nose-picking protocol:
1. you dont do it in public (yes, people can see you driving your car my friends)
2. you dont eat it. EVER. its coming out for a reason. your nose hairs developed through millions of years of evolution to keep this shit out! so dont eat it.. please!
3. you dont rub it on your friends. siblings are okay, and depending on your age, sometimes encouraged.
4. dont EVER do it on a date or around someone you are in any way attracted to. unless you have some sort of hybrid allergy to sexual activity, in which case DO pick your nose as this will definately help with the allergy.

There are many more rules and subrules for sneezing, and further subrules for if boogers come out on your hand when covering a sneeze, and so on and so forth. But you get the idea. break THESE rules and your labelled as "gross" or "disgusting", or "probably from Manitoba"...

So when new legislation is passed prohibiting a new behavior, there are 3 groups of people. The first group doesnt really care. The second group is like "shucks, now i cant (insert prohibited activity of your choice, EX: punch small children in the face area)". And the third group, well maybe its not technically a group if its just me but we react differently. We dont say "crap now i cant this". instead we look at how this new law affects the Social Contract. you see the two are very closely related, but very different.

The first example of this has been the laws that say people cant txt and drive anymore. Legally, this means you will get a ticket. Contractually, this means i have a new justifation for screaming at other drivers. In the past, if someone cuts me off i would pull up beside em and just start SCREAMin' through the window (not that they could hear me). but then I would be the asshole. But NOW, since people can't txt and drive, if someone cuts me off i just pray to god their on their cellphone. then i have full complete reign to just bring the sky crashing down on them without being a dick. I'm no longer a road-raging racist, now im just a concerned citizen. oh ho ho how i take advantage of this.

Another law that has expanded my territory of rage is the "cant smoke within X meters of public entrances". Group 1 is like "oh yea, fair enough". Group two is like "but it soo cold out" or "but its rainy". and then my group is like "YES! now we get to scream at 22 year old hot shit girls stepping out for a quick smoke!" BAM! our jurisdiction for socially acceptable spurts of rage just increased X meters in ALL directions, from EVERY public entrance. Beauty!

Now we just need the politicians to ban blue tooth headsets while shopping. I'm sorry, but no, you're not hot shit. You're 47 years old, in a liquor store on a tuesday wearing pajama pants. Now take the headset out and tell your sister you'll talk to her when you get home. we've banned the fanny pack, lookout bluetooth headsets. You're next.

Friday, March 12, 2010

pwning n00bs...

Being a 21 year old university student, i spend many nights free of sleep. this is not due to excessive homework, no i get that done during the day. no, i spend my nights "pwning n00bs" on Modern Warfare 2. or as i like to call it "the GPA dropper" because i am pretty sure ive killed my GPA more than any of my opponents.

But as 5 am rolls around we begin our anticipation of MCDONALDS BREAKFAST! now i realize its already after 5am, but we can't show up RIGHT at 5:00am, cuz that would seem desperate. so no, we pretend like we just happend to be driving by and noticed it was breakfast time. but i think their probably on to us since we do it at a couple times a week these days. have i mentioned that my "freshman fifteen" have been the "freshman fifty"? i wonder why that is.

Well as my partner "Bthumpin" (i can explain his name some other time) finishes his last turn of MW2 before we make our trek down to the golden arches i cant help but wonder what the McD's staff thinks of us... when we come strolling in, they must see our sunken shoulders, slouching posture, and bloodshot eyes and think that we must have just finished a shift of killing puppies or something horrible like that. unfortunately we're not pretty sadistic, we're sad and pathetic. though that does give me an idea for a sweet new business: Puppy Pwners, "can't say no to your dog? we'll say no for you (one last time).

I'm kidding of course, i could never kill puppies, i love dogs. Cats on the other hand.. well lets just say that cats are lucky that Kitten Pwners doesn't have the same ring to it.

Off to McDicks... i think i'll "BOOM HEADSHOT" me a bacon 'n' egger this mornin..


Monday, March 8, 2010

Fun, but dangerous...

A little bit about me: I'm a good old Canadian boy from a small town in BC. I'm 21 years old and am currently finishing up my 2nd year at Thompson Rivers University. I grew up playin baseball and hockey (duh, I'm Canadian), but have now shifted my athletic pursuits towards brazilian jiu-jitsu. I started training that last april, and have been hooked ever since.

As many people in today's society, my main use for the internet these past few years has been for entertainment. But that is about to change.

I have been on facebook for about 4 years now, but have just recently joined twitter, and have now started to blog. The reason i have started with these last two is to keep my mind in the game so to speak. The internet is an AMAZING tool if used properly, and i want in.

Fun, but dangerous is watching quietly as the world goes on around us. The most important right a person has in this world, is the right to question: whether at work, at home, school, or in legal/politcal matters. The worst reason to do something, is "just because"... It is important to know why the rules that are in place, are in place. So many rules in our society were created decades or centuries ago, and despite being extremely outdated, we continue to follow them because no one has questioned why they still exist. The most important changes in our world have come from people straying from this pattern, asking "why should I?"

This blog will be all over the map. Some posts will be purely comical, some will be controversial, and some will be riddled with outlandish conspiracy. But all of them will make you think. Through comedy, controversy, and conspiracy I will challenge you to question the very beliefs and values by which you live your lives.

Naive i am not, so i realize that most people will never come close to reading any of my blogs, but I know that a few of you will. and i hope that you get offended by or laugh at what i have to say and that gets you talking to your friends about it. and who knows, maybe one of those branches on the grapevine will one day be in a position to do something about it.

To the few of you who read this, continue to follow my blog and discuss it with friends/family/co-workers, i want to thank you. My hope is not to change the world, my hope is to improve the world. and i believe that collectively we can. And hey, let's have a little fun along the way...